MORESTUFF

Top Twenty of the Thinnest Books

20. Saturday Night Live's Funniest skits, 1990-2000

19. How to Please Women - by John Bobbit

18. Homer Simpson Explains Nuclear Physics

17. The Engineer's Guide to Fashion

16. To All the Men I've Loved Before - by Ellen Degeneres

15. Human Rights Advances in China

14. Ethics for Tabloid Newspaper Editors

13. The Wild Years-by Al Gore

12. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean

11. America's Most Popular Lawyers

10. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors

9. Different Ways to Spell Bob

8. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches

7. Everything Men Know about Women

6. Everything Women Know about Men

5. French Hospitality

4. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names

3.Alexi Yashin's 1999-2000 NHL Stats and highlights with the Ottawa Senators

2. The Amish Phone Directory

And the Number One World's Shortest Book:...

1. The Book of Virtues by Bill Clinton

Notice From MICROSOFT:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Texas Edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Texas.

if you have one of the Texas Editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Texas Edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS98 with a background picture of the Alamo superimposed on the Texas flag. It is shipped with a Leann Rimes screen saver.

Also note:

• The Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse.
• My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption.
• Dial-up Networking is called Good Ol Boys.
• Control Panel is known as the Dashboard.
• Hard Drive is referred to as Wheel Drive.
• Floppies are Them Little Ol' Plastic Disc Thangs.

Other features: Instead of an Error Message you get a Winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

Terminology:

OK = ats aww-right.
Cancel = hail no.
Reset = aw shoot.
Yes = shore.
No = Naaaa.
Find = hunt-fer it.
Go to = over yonder.
Back = back yonder.
Help = hep me out here.
Stop = ternit off.
Start = crank it up.
Settings = sittins.
Programs = stuff that does stuff.
Documents = stuff I done done.

Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Texas Edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.