Bob and Misa both like to golf. One day Bob went to Misa and said, "Hey look at this great ball!" Misa replied, "What's so great about it?" Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is impossible to lose!" "Wow!", said Misa, "Where did you get that from?" Bob replied, "I found it."

A man was driving on the 417 when his wife called him on his cell phone. "Honey, be carful, I heard on the news that there is a car on the highway going the wrong way!" To this the man replied, "One? There's millions of em!"

A North American Temperature guide:

15 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats. Canadians sunbathe.10 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Canadians plant gardens.

5 above - Italian cars won't start.Canadians drive with the windows down.

0 degrees - Distilled water freezes.Lake Ontario's water gets thicker.

5 below - Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians have the last cookout before it gets cold.

10 below - New York landlords finally turn up the heat.Canadians throw on a sweatshirt.

15 below - Californians fly away to Mexico.Canadians lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over thesweatshirt.

20 below - People in Miami cease to exist.Canadians get out their winter coats.

40 below - Hollywood disintegrates.Canada's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

60 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.Canada's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

80 below - Mount St. Helen's freezes.Canadians rent some videos.100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products.Alberta cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below - ALL atomic motion stops.Canadians start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??"

500 below - Hell freezes over.The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.