Warning Labels On Beer Bottles
Since Ottawa is now No Smoking the next thing will have to be Warnings on Beer Bottles. Here are a few that I like.
- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
(I quit drinking because of this one)
- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
- WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
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Reasons Why Men Are (justifiably) Proud Of Themselves
- We know stuff about tanks
- A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase
- We can open all our own jars
- We can go to the bathroom without a support group
- We don't have to learn to spell a new last name
- We can leave a motel bed unmade
- We can kill our own food
- We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
- Wedding plans take care of themselves
- If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend
- Underwear is $10 a three-pack
- If you are 34 and single nobody notices
- Everything on our faces stays the original color
- Three pair of shoes are more than enough
- We don't have to clean the house if the meter reader is coming
- Car mechanics tell us the truth
- We can sit quietly and watch a game with a friend for hours without thinking "He must be mad at me."
- Same work-more pay
- Gray hair and wrinkles only add character
- We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift
- If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit you just might become lifelong friends
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