MORESTUFF

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

• On a Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair!!)
• On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special)
• On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
• On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts!!)
• On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
• On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
• On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
• On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
• On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
• On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My Gosh!)

Tips

If you have bought a Toyo cutter, don't put oil in it. Instead, put a small piece of a rag in the bottom of a baby food jar, or other small container, and saturate it with oil. Then when you are about to start cutting, just tap the tip of your cutter into the oil soaked rag a couple of times. That's all you really need to do to keep it lubricated. If you fill the cutter with oil, it will most likely leak out all over your work surface and glass.

The exception to this is the newest Toyo cutter model, the Supercutter, the one with the black arm sticking out the side. It has a valve inside that only opens when you compress the cutter head's spring while pressing down on a glass sheet.